The 5 Most Ridiculous Ways of 'Fixing Erectile Dysfunction'

There are many ways of fixing erectile dysfunction. The most common means for helping men gain and maintain erections, by far, is Viagra. But, there are countless other ways from herbal remedies to expensive surgery.

Many of these methods for dealing with erectile dysfunction are proven, healthy methods. Some of these methods have are traditional healing methods that have been used for centuries. Some of these methods are just plain silly.

1. Purchasing the Idiot's Guide to Fixing Erectile Dysfunction

If you are dealing with a flaccid penis, it is best to avoid the following titles: The Idiots Guide to Fixing Erectile Dysfunction, Erectile Dysfunction for Dummies, Chicken Soup for the Erectile Dysfunction and Dr. Phil's Little Book on the Limp Penis. There may be some nice facts in these best sellers, but there is no information here that you cannot easily access for free online or from your physician. It's best to keep you and your flaccid penis away from the best-selling-paperback-self-help rack at your local book store.

2. Penis Push-Ups

There are all kinds of supposed 'penis enlargement methods' out there that claim to increase penis size and help you gain control of your penis. While penis exercises may help you control your orgasms, they will not help your erectile dysfunction problem. Before contemplating penis push ups, penis pumps, penis stretches and the like, consider consulting a physician about the problem. Without a doubt, your doctor will not recommend you start bench pressing with your penis.

3. Talking to Your Penis

It is good to have a relationship with your penis. All men should pay attention to their penis and understand what's happening down there in the drawers. However, scheduling a consultation session with your penis is in no way a means of fixing erectile dysfunction. No one-on-one coaching session will get your boy to stand up. It is more likely that you'll just look and feel foolish after the one-sided chat.

4. Watching Copious Amounts of Pornography

There is absolutely nothing wrong with consuming healthy doses of porn. But, if you've got erectile dysfunction, this could just lead to frustration. For those with erectile dysfunction, every sexy film that doesn't lead to an erection is like a slap in the face. Unless you are taking an erection stimulant like Viagra or Cialis before watching porn, even the hottest film won't help you get it up.

5. Finding a Younger, Sexier Mate

An old song goes: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life/ never make a pretty woman your wife." To the best of my knowledge, a response song has yet to be written containing the lines: "If you're having some problems getting your self up/ find a sexier girl to give your balls a cup."

There is a good reason that this response song never came to be – It's ridiculous! While there is definitely a link between the ability to gain and maintain an erection and sexual attraction (its common sense!), ruining relationships for the purposes of combating erectile dysfunction is not a recommended technique.

Rather than throwing caution (and sanity) to the wind, and leaving your wife for an erection, why not use a proven method for fixing erectile dysfunction like Viagra or Cialis.

Viagra for Sale?

If you're shopping for Viagra, be sure to look for a sign that explicitly says, “Viagra for Sale,” and if there isn't one, be careful, because not every little blue pill will cure your erectile dysfunction. True story: an Austrian food manufacturer was charged and lost a court battle with Pfizer, makers of the popular erectile dysfunction pill, Viagra. Why, you ask? Well, it seems as though the food maker's flagship product, delicious blue sugar-coated pumpkin seeds, looked a little too much like Viagra pills, and that made Pfizer nervous. Could someone actually mistake sugar-coated pumpkin seeds for Viagra? I suppose anything's possible, and if it did happen, the consequences would be...well, rather disappointing. With Viagra for sale nowadays at such low prices, there's no need to deliberately turn to folksier remedies like pumpkin seeds to cure your erectile dysfunction. Thus, inspired by this recent court case, and with the reader's best interest in mind, I've compiled a list of the top 5 things (besides pumpkin seeds) you wouldn't want to mistake for Viagra pills on a romantic evening. You might be inspired to reorganize your medicine cabinet to avoid any embarrassing mistakes.

5. Throat Lozenges
Throat lozenges come in all sorts of colors, including, unfortunately, the color blue, which would prove to be confusing in some situations. While these pills will cure that tickle in your throat, they won't do a thing to cure your erectile dysfunction, unless of course your erectile dysfunction is caused by your own incessant hacking cough. It doesn't seem too unlikely a scenario to me. If this is the case, good for you for discovering your cure!

4. Breath Mints
Often manufactured in shades of blue to denote their cool, icy-fresh taste, these little pill-shaped candies could easily be mistaken for Viagra. While having fresh breath in a romantic situation is undoubtedly a positive thing, I assure you that it will have no direct effect on your erectile dysfunction, besides maybe a placebo effect if you're lucky.



3. Sleeping Pills
Sometimes, sleeping pills can be mistaken for Viagra. For sale at common drug stores, these handy little pills elicit just about the opposite effect you would want from Viagra. Rather than arousing you, they'll put you right to sleep. If you're fumbling around in your medicine cabinet or bedside table in the dark and you accidentally pick these out and pop a couple back, your spouse will be greeted with an unwelcome surprise. Rather than a ready and willing lovemaking partner, they'll encounter a snoring Rip Van Winkle. Trust me, this sort of mishap can't be good for your relationship.

2. Laxatives
This one is pretty self-explanatory, I think. Rather than the desired arousing effects of Viagra, you will end up with aroused bowels. I don't think I need to get into detail about why this would be a bad thing.

1. Hallucinogenic Drugs
If you're unlucky enough to have your hippie or raver cousin (whom you let crash at your place one weekend out of familial goodwill) accidentally leave their little blue pills with pictures of little teddy bears on them on your bedside table, I don't envy you. If you swallow a couple of these little babies thinking they're Viagra, boy will you be in for a surprise. If you're lucky, your spouse will be understanding the next morning when you explain that you kicked her out of your bed the night before because you thought she was a vicious dinosaur sent through time to kill you.

Best Erectile Dysfunction Cure?

So you want to find the best erectile dysfunction cure? You’re not alone. And because there are so many people looking for the same thing, a lot of suspicious business has been popping up. This week, an Australian anti-impotence clinic has been highly scrutinized for their aggressive sales techniques.

Triggered after a man saw a billboard for an erection drug, a sort of alternative to Viagra, and reported to the The Dominion Post his ridiculous experience with the company who advertised they could help him “bonk longer,” stories about bogus drugs have spread like wildfire in the media.

The man, who remains unnamed, phoned the company’s toll-free number, and spoke to a doctor who offered him a prescription that would cost $NZ3995 ($3195 US). Nobody expected that buying Viagra would be so expensive. But what is more shocking is that, even after he had refused the offer, they continued to call him back against his will.

Harassment like this is the farthest thing from the ideal erectile dysfunction cure. And yet it happens all the time. If you’ve done your homework, you know that a large portion of sexual dysfunction is psychological, caused mainly by stress. Not many things are as stressful as being pursued by a pushy pharmaceutical company, and having to weigh the option between going broke or going limp.

Yet erectile dysfunction cures are everywhere, with technological advances being made and an increasing demand for better, cheaper products. Scientists are constantly working on the causes of impotence. Consider:

• Viagra turned ten this year: hard to believe people have been able to buy Viagra for a decade.
  
  
  
  

• MSNBC reported this week that Dr. J. Francois Eid has significantly lowered the dangers in penile surgery—previously thought to be a highly dangerous alternative to Viagra—with his "No-Touch" surgical technique. Apparently this new development has caused the number of penile implant infections to be below 1%.

• Researcher Taben Hale is studying the connection between sexual dysfunction and high blood pressure. She believes that impotence is the first sign of heart disease. If that isn’t enough to stress you out!
  

There are dozens of alternatives to Viagra, including their major competitors, Cialis and Levitra. To find out what the best erectile dysfunction cure is for you, consult your doctor, read the literature, and get ready for lift-off.